Calgon, take me away; Jesus, take the wheel!

Well, have you ever had one of those days? Maybe a week like that? or even a month?  Last week was one of those weeks for us here in the Urness house.  Kyla my oldest came down with a virus that kept her home from school all week.  This is her first year of school, so to miss the week before Christmas break with all the ornament making, pajama wearing, and general fun to be had was truly devastating to her! She was a trooper though, she understood why she couldn't go and how she needed to take time to get better.  So all week I played referee (in my pajamas because adding more laundry was not a mission of mine.....surviving the week was the mission).  I tried to keep the 3 littles away from her so that she was not to spread the virus and we all be out of commission for the rest of December. Do you know how hard this is?  When you can't send kids out to play, you can't go anywhere, and you can let them be alone in a room for too long by themselves because you are sure to come back to a room with crayola markers all over the wall or one another! We have been blessed with meals being delivered to the house for the past 2 1/2 weeks and it has been awesome!  Truly awesome! This week though, it gave me life! **Side note, I did manage to get out of pajamas for the drop off of these meals.  Not that the friends would have cared, because they are cool like that and I'm lucky to have them in my life**

Have I mentioned how this is my favorite time of the year?  I have loved this time of year since I was a little girl.  Even before I really knew and understood what Christmas was about.  I was always the one who could not wait to put up the tree, decorate the house, and buy presents. And I still do!  The thought of going to the mailbox and seeing pictures of friends and family both new and old, far and near warms my heart.  We open Christmas cards with the kids and talk to them about who the people are and how we know them and maybe share a funny story or two. Last week I would have spent time addressing our own cards to mail out.  Key word there is "would". In all the craziness of having a sick child, keeping the rest of the family healthy, and helping Tucker understand who a mom and dad are....we just can't do it this year!  You are reading that correctly.....No Christmas card from the Urness' this year! So Sorry folks..we love you all dearly but.......it's just not gonna happen! I have saved every envelope of the ones we have gotten this year though, because if by some  miracle  we can get it together by Valentine's or Easter...there may be a surprise for you in the mailbox!!

I know what you may be thinking, you nay sayers out there. "They are way in over their heads this time" "Why would they adopt a child with special needs" "They are falling apart at the seems" Trust me when I say that I have already had those thoughts run through my head and I have decided to give them all to God. They do no good running through my head, they do no good being verbalized and really there is no good in writing them down except to understand that I don't need to have the answers right now, I just need to know that God is enough to help us through this.

The past 2 months have been a wild and crazy ride. One that we have enjoyed and learned a lot from.  The one thing I have learned the most is that I don't have to have it all together, that I don't have to put on this pretty face like my life is exactly how I planned it to be.  My plans went out the window the day I decided to follow Jesus. Adoption is hard.  It is hard work everyday to help a child understand what a family is.  How do you teach a 2 year old what a Mom is? Or what a Dad is? I would say a majority of us reading this have had a mother and father since birth.  The knowledge of what their role is in your life is so embedded in your core  you don't even have to think about what that means. They are your parents and have been there for you through it all...the good, bad and ugly. Nothing is really known about Tucker's birth parents.  All we know is that he was left on the steps of the orphanage on December 29th, 2014 wrapped in a blanket.  He was left approximately a month after he was born.  I don't say this to imply that his birth parents did not care or love him, I truly believe this was a very hard decision for them and one they thought about every day for the month they had him. That was the last time he knew of a family.  Since then he has been in an orphanage, fighting for love, fighting for food, fighting to be cared for, fighting for a family.  

Bob and I will be married 11 years this January.  If you would have told me 11 years ago on my wedding day that I would be a mommy of 4 and one of my kids would be adopted; I would have laughed in your face!  We were both very young in our faith and truly did not know what it meant to follow Gods plan.  We had a lot of spiritual growth we needed to do, and He has been faithful to walk by us holding our hands and pushing us to learn more about ourselves and more about His plans for our lives. The life we have now is not one that we planned but it is definitely the one we want to be in because it is full of Gods presence and grace.  

Thought about making this our Christmas card photo but I did not have enough brain power to figure out how to photo shop our pantry door out of the picture.  BTW these four and brothers and sisters through and through, their love for one another goes deep!  

Chick Fil A let me trade two kids in for two Rudolph!  

Tucker got a hair cut for the first time, and the only smiles came after it was all over and he was eating dinner.  I feel like he looks 2lbs smaller!  

The waiting is always the hardest. When we received our LID in June and they told us the wait time of 1 1/2 to 2 months before we got our approval, I thought that was going to be the longest and hardest time...anxiously awaiting a phone call an email or something...but I was wrong...REALLY REALLY WRONG!!!  The next 8-10 weeks will be the hardest EVER!!!! We have received our LOA (Letter of Approval) as of Friday!!!  Which means that China has officially recognized us fit to adopt Tucker and he will be in our family in just a few months!!! Can you tell we are excited...can you??? can you???  So without further adieu here is the sweet little boy I fell in love with last October.....

This is the most current picture of him that we have, we should get
some more in a few weeks !
   He is 20months

I tried so hard to get a pic of him sleeping that day and
every time he would just roll over and smile at me!
 I finally had to just leave for a bit and come back :)

Fun at the birthday party

He really knew how to speed around in this walker! 

Our sweet Tucker!  We are coming for you so
soon buddy, we love you so much! 

PA, DTC, LID, LOA, TA ;)

So many acronyms!  The adoption world is filled with so many letters and stages that it would make your head spin.  Since our last update we have successfully completed our first batch of paperwork and it was sent off to China (DTC).  And so began our journey of waiting.....I have never been so happy to have a smart phone in my life!  I checked my email obsessively and finally we got the email almost 2 weeks later that we had been logged in.  This means that China has started reviewing and translating out entire home study. Typically this takes a month and half to two months.  Once they have finished reviewing and translating they will issue the Letter of Approval (LOA).  This is pretty much our approval from China that they see us fit to adopt Tucker and then they begin setting up appointments for when we travel to China.  So again we are back to waiting...this time for a phone call!  

August is going to be a very emotional month for us.  Not only will we be waiting for this LOA but Kyla starts Kindergarten!!!!!!!!  My first born, the one who made me a momma, who called me mommy first is going to be spending most of her wakeful hours  during the week with someone else.  And I may just start crying while I write this but I know she will LOVE it.  She has been obsessing over school supplies, her backpack and lunch box all summer.  We check the school website daily because she just can't wait to get all these things for school.....reminds me a lot of....well....me!  I still have to walk quickly by all of the back to school aisles and I have not taught school in 5 years!  

So if you see me in public and I am a puddle, no worries...just crying over some pretty big things going on in our family!  

In other news, we just finished our last trip of the summer.  We spent a few days at the beach while Bob had work.  We missed him during the day but we had a great time in the afternoon when he could join us.  I'm pretty sure Kyla could live at the beach, Cooper did better this year about getting in the ocean, and Avery kept chasing the birds saying "touch it?" Next summer is going to be even more fun with one more to join the party! Here are a few of my favorite pics...

In the Muthahood!

Anita Renfroe has a great song that you must listen to if you haven't heard it already...I'm pretty sure if makes me LOL every time!!!  You can find the link below..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCbPqi3virQ

So it's Mother's Day and all my littles are finally in bed and the house is semi-clean.  We had a busy day of doing things for mommy and making things for mommy and singing special songs for mommy! All of this happened before 9am and as we were driving to church my little 3 year old looked at me and said "celebrating is hard work!"  Well I guess I'll take it little buddy! I should also point out that Bob goes above and beyond on Mother's day!  I am so blessed to call him mine, to walk next to him in the whole parenting journey and that every morning he thinks of ways to bless me throughout the day.  Kyla really got into Mother's Day this year.  She decided the breakfast menu which included an omelette with bell peppers.

Today in church we sang a song that you may all know... At The Cross by Chris Tomlin.  It's a song that I have sang for a while and on many days in the privacy of my own minivan I will belt it at the top of my lungs! You may not know this about me, but I LOVE to sing...I mean LOVE....I can't sing but that rarely stops me. And you better watch out if there is a Mariah Cary or J Lo song on...game on!  In my head I think I can sing just like them, I'm not kidding!  If my sister were here and still on FB she would attest to our love for "All I want for Christmas" Anyway, our church plays loud  music and I love it.  Mainly because it really does connect me with worship and partly because no one can hear how awful it sounds to them.

So today we are singing this song and I'm thinking about Mother's Day, thinking about my mom, growing up, what kind of mom I think I am, the highs and the lows.  I will admit, most days I feel like I fall short of mothering and raising my kids to be Godly people.
 Am I discipling my kids?  What if my kids turn out like those kids? What if they feel like I was mean? Did they eat enough veggies today? Should I have put sunscreen on them? How bad is High fructose corn syrup? Maybe they are sleeping to much! Am I sheltering them? Will they have compassion for others?? Am I boring them? 
Then these words pop up: "There's a place where streams of grace flow deep and wide" and it just came over me like a rush. God's grace is what I have and no one or no thing can take that away.  Teaching my kids about God's grace and love is what is most important.  Yes there are times that they will fail, they will do things that will go against our will for them and God's will for them.  But I pray that they know of God's grace.  I pray that Bob and I can teach them about this grace.  This whole parenting thing is hard, it's hard to block out what the world says you should do and be and fill it up instead with what God says. But then there's grace... there's Gods word that is true and holy.

Today has me thinking too of our son in China.  A day doesn't go by that I don't really think of what he is doing, but today I really felt an ache for him.  I want him to be here to celebrate with us.  To run around the yard with his brothers and sisters and for me to wrap my arms around him and thank him for making me a mommy for the 4th time.  We are getting closer and closer.  We hope to get our I800A approval in the mail this week and then shortly our entire dossier will be off to China!!!  Many of you may remember that his special need is cleft lip and palate.  He had a lip repair back in December but it didn't work out like they planned.  Well he was suppose to have it repaired in April but after beging evaluated by the medical team, they decided the tissue had not healed enough for another lip surgery.  So our little guys still has a cleft lip and we are just so anxious to get to him and love on him.  He will have his surgery once we are back in the states and have him evaluated. Please continue to pray for him, for orphans around the world and most importantly how you can be involved in orphan care.

Happy Mother's Day y'all!

   

You are kidding me!!!

First I would like to say that I could not have written this story even if I tried!  All of the honor glory and credit goes to my Father in Heaven.  He is the creator of life and the author of our stories!

So some of you may recall in my last post I was absolutely heart broken over the news of Tucker and his file coming in as Option 1.  That week I cried, Bob and I had many long discussions about God and His plan for our family, and I prayed.  I prayed for God to help me understand how I could fall so deeply in love with a little boy I knew for 5 days and then not to have him in our family.  Some of the hardest things I had to do in the days that followed were sharing about Tucker with other people.  Putting aside my own feelings and hurt, I needed to share this wonderful boy with others so that he could find his family.  Each time his picture popped up in my email or on a facebook page my heart sunk a little deeper.  I was hurt that his file came in the wrong way for us, I was confused as to why God would put him in our life this way just  to say "no", and all the while deep down I still felt like somehow, someway he was still suppose to be a part of our family.

I recently read a post by Lysa Terkeurst, "We must never confuse delays with dead ends.  But I think we do this all the time.  We sometimes put a period where our life story may just need a little string of dots . . ."  See I assumed that Tuckers file coming in as Option 1 was the end.  That I was no longer going to be a part of his life.  Six days after getting the news about his file I was in South Carolina eating lunch with some of my friends who I went on the mission trip with.  They politely brought up the Tucker conversation and I admitted to them my struggles and how I still felt like he was suppose to be a part of our family.

One week from getting the news about Tucker, I was upstairs putting the babies down for a nap.  As I came down the stairs my oldest daughter says to me "Mommy, your iPad rang and it wasn't Dada. I told her you were upstairs and they should call back." So after I frantically realized that I needed to have the talk about answering phones and iPads without an adult around I quickly looked at the phone and noticed the caller ID said VA.  Well our adoption agency is based out of VA and again I felt that pit in my stomach.  I thought, oh no I can't take more bad news!  I am a hot mess right now and it's only 10:00a.m. and I still have all day with little kids before Bob gets home.  That's A LOT of crying by myself!!!  Again, I put periods where God wanted a string of dots...

So I did what any good mother does when you need to have an important phone conversation with no one begging you for a juice cup or snack, I turned on the TV.  As my kids sit watching TV, I sat at out kitchen table and begrudgingly called our family coordinator back.  She told me I needed to sit down, and that she had some good news for us.  She then proceeded to tell me that China changed Tuckers file type and that WE WOULD BE ABLE TO BE MATCHED WITH HIM!!!!!  You guys, this NEVER happens.  Our family coordinator was in disbelief she was even calling me to tell me the news.  I can not share too many more details because all of our paper work has not made it to the final stages yet, but basically Tucker needs to have some other minor medical procedures done and therefore China felt it best to change his status so that no one would travel while he is still healing from surgery.  I mean isn't that the craziest!!!??

We have our pre approval to be matched with him and now we are on to filling out more and more paperwork.  Our I800a has been submitted and received.  We are waiting to get our appointment to get fingerprinted.  We hope to have our complete dossier sent to China by May at the latest.  Which means if everything goes as planned we could travel in the Fall to go and bring our Tucker home!

So even though at the time the answer seemed like a no, it really was more of a pause... a wait and see what I have planned... a trust Me who knows the beginning, middle and end...

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

El Roi-The God Who Sees

When told of our plans to adopt, I had soooo many people tell me "We can't wait to see how God uses you guys and your story! He is going to do amazing things!"  We kept these comments to ourselves for a while.  There have been road blocks we didn't anticipate with scheduling, family members, timing,....I didn't really know how to process it.  But one thought did always come back and that was, well if He is indeed going to use our story to further His kingdom...people have to know as much of the story as I can tell.  Because you won't know how amazing this has been unless you know where we are right now. So here it goes.....

The first day I walked into that orphanage we were in a baby room.  I sat down on a mat in front of this sweet boy, we will call him Tucker.  I immediately began playing a game with him and his laugh was the sweetest cackle!  It was like a game of peek a boo where the child waits in anticipation for the surprise to happen again and when it does it's like it happened for the first time.  He laughed for probably five minutes while we played this game.  And throughout the week, I was able to see him at least once a day.  We were always in his room but maybe I would see him in the hallway playing bumper walkers with his other friends, or I would sneak a peek at his sweet smile.  I felt God calling me to be a little more open but I wasn't there to completely adopt yet.  How could I be, I had not even talked to Bob yet.  I need him to talk to, he is my best friend in every sense of the word!  

So fast forward to coming home.....when we decided to adopt, my heart was set on this sweet boy. But we really had to think about our motivation.  We couldn't continue this process if our only motivation was to get Tucker.  We needed to be sure that God was calling us to adopt, and if it is Tucker then awesome BUT if it isn't then we know we are still doing Gods will and He has picked out our son already.  I called to find out more information about Tucker and found out his paperwork was to be expected at the beginning of the new year.  There are two ways files can come in.  Option 1 meant we didn't really have a chance because we would have had to start the paper chasing stage before I went to China and Option 2 would be perfect because anyone in the adoption process could be matched with him.  Our agency has nothing to do with how files come in, China logs in children as they see their needs.  

I have heard some amazing stories of how God has put families together. I mean really people, some stuff that will just blow your mind!  And I hold on to each and every one of those stories, not because I hope God can do that for us but because I know God hears his people.  He hears our prayers and He wants to give us the desires of our heart.  

After talking with our family coordinator at the adoption agency, we decided that we were going to try and complete this process in record time.  Because maybe, just maybe we can get it all done in time so that if Tucker came in Option 1 we would be ready.  So we worked hard every night for almost a month getting things filled out and completed.  But we also had some pretty nice holidays in there and well, I can't always convince everyone else in the world the sense of urgency I have to get my son! Even though I almost shelled out $80 a piece to get new birth certificates and marriage licenses!  No worries, my husband talked me off the ledge on that one.....I also tried to convince him to overnight something to South Carolina on a Friday.....I mean people I was on a MISSION!!!  

With Holidays and scheduling conflicts, the month of January was quickly approaching and I knew we were nowhere close to being ready for Option 1.  So, without driving our family coordinator crazy, I tried to keep tabs on our little Tucker to see if anything new was happening in his case.  Side note: He had a surgery around Christmas to repair his cleft lip and everything went well!  Once January 1st hit, most people were thinking about New Years Resolution and I felt like I was taking a pregnancy test over and over, waiting with my stomach in knots each day to find out if Tucker was going to be ours or not.  In the New Year I also began a bible study that a friend of mine from the mission trip did that focuses on the names of God. It's pretty intense but I love it.  This same friend also is my accountability partner in a 30 day, wake up SUPER early, and spend time with God thing we are doing.  I know what you are thinking....it doesn't matter when you spend time as long as you spend time....well i'm sorry but not sorry, it is soooo much sweeter when you can do it first thing before you start the day!  I was like you, but then when my kids didn't nap, or something didn't go as planned do you know what was the first thing to go....my time spent with Him.  The one who made me and knows my beginning and end.  

So before I get tooo high on my horse I just want you to know that we are only on day 2!  But we are motivated and I know we can do it! This morning I read about God being El Roi, the God who sees!  He isn't asleep, or not aware of what you are going through, or your situation.  At the end of my time this morning I decided to write a prayer.  And for whatever reason I thought, you know I've never really asked God if Tucker was suppose to be ours and maybe I should do that.  So I wrote out this prayer...(please excuse the penmanship, it was early in the morning AND I was writing on the side with a giant paper clip underneath!) 

This afternoon, I got the email from our family coordinator and it said they received Tuckers file. And just as they expected, it came in Option 1.  I was heartbroken.  I mean I still had children to take care of but the thought that he wasn't going to be ours just crushed me.  Thankfully most of the kids were napping so I could catch my breath.  As I was writing this prayer this morning in the back of my mind I thought, how awesome would it be if we got the call today and that Tucker was really ours! And then I could share this prayer to show how awesome God is, but I was also thinking what if it doesn't happen that way.  Will I still share this prayer????  As hard as it is to share, I have to.  The answer is YES, I have to share it.  Because God may not have answered it the way I wanted Him to, but he DID answer. So I will rejoice in that He hears me, my prayers and He knows me and He sees this whole process.    

One small step closer!

Have you ever thought about how incredibly hard it is to "take the high road"????  Just for a minute think about a situation in which you were called to be the bigger person, to turn the other cheek.....how did that go for you?  I can remember specific times in college where I should have done this, instead I acted in a way that I knew would get a response out of the other person.  I'm not proud to admit this.....but there was a time, I like to refer to this period in my life at PJ....Pre Jesus, where I actually told someone, I WISH YOU WOULD CRY!...I mean who does that, who tells a person that they wish they would cry, that is CRAZY talk. JUST CRAZY! I am sure no one else  out there has every been so upset that they do and say things that they wish they had not....reacting to someone or a situation that you don't agree with is incredibly easy.  That gut reaction never takes patience, never takes careful thought out words, doesn't take love into account, very rarely takes thinking.....

Taking the high road on the other hand does take all of these things in account.  It's not enough to just turn the other cheek because  Jesus also calls us to love that person, to respect them, to pray that they are blessed beyond measure!  Now that is HARD!  This reaction does not come naturally to most of us, it does require us to sit down and think about our words, to take love in account, and to understand that what is deep down in our heart is what comes out when ugly situations like this arise.  Doing this also does not mean that you are a door mat where you allow someone to verbally attack you because they know you will not react in such a harsh manner back. Speaking the truth out of love goes a long way.  I am reminded of

1Peter 3:8-12

"Now finally, all of you should be like-minded and sympathetic, should love believers, and be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you can inherit a blessing. For the one who wants to love life and to see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit, and he must turn away from evil and do what is good. He must seek peace and pursue it, because the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their request.  But the face of the Lord is against those who do what is evil." 

I struggle with this, but I am praying my way through it.  Bob always tells me, you can't help what other people think or say.  But I can control how I think and say and for right now, that is what I am going to do.  

Home Study! 

We had our first official home study today and I was a total mad woman I tell you!  I was running around here with the most sever case of ADD trying to get things in order and make sure the kids had lunch early so we wouldn't be doing that while she was here.  My awesome husband came home to our social worker already here, while I was trying to feed yogurt to our youngest and me in the middle of telling our social worker how I came to faith all those years ago.  And he just jumped right in with lunch things an helped out! I just love this man....I mean I just LOVE his heart, every day I am amazed by how God put this man in my life!  After the lunch time chaos, we reviewed some more procedures and policies about the adoption and what to kind of expect those days and months after adopting.  I have spoken to a few people about all the things we are doing to get our paper work ready for China and everyone just has a look of amazement. Not amazed that we are doing it, but amazed that there is just SOOO much paperwork to prove you are capable to raise an adoptive child.  

What I find amazing in this whole process is how we could expect anything less???  Yes, these orphans need a home. But more importantly they need a home that is stable.  A home that loves them through their temper tantrums, their attachment issues, when they have nightmares, when they cry for no reason.... Yes there are a lot of hoops to jump through, but they are worth it when you think about the heartbreaking things these children feel because they were abandoned by their birth parents. 

We ended our visit with a tour of the house, which the kids LOVED giving!  Our social worker was so sweet to the kids and listened attentively as they spoke.   All in all, it was a great visit and we are so excited to have her back soon!  We are ready to knock out the next two visits so we can get our paperwork sent off to China!