The first day I walked into that orphanage we were in a baby room. I sat down on a mat in front of this sweet boy, we will call him Tucker. I immediately began playing a game with him and his laugh was the sweetest cackle! It was like a game of peek a boo where the child waits in anticipation for the surprise to happen again and when it does it's like it happened for the first time. He laughed for probably five minutes while we played this game. And throughout the week, I was able to see him at least once a day. We were always in his room but maybe I would see him in the hallway playing bumper walkers with his other friends, or I would sneak a peek at his sweet smile. I felt God calling me to be a little more open but I wasn't there to completely adopt yet. How could I be, I had not even talked to Bob yet. I need him to talk to, he is my best friend in every sense of the word!
So fast forward to coming home.....when we decided to adopt, my heart was set on this sweet boy. But we really had to think about our motivation. We couldn't continue this process if our only motivation was to get Tucker. We needed to be sure that God was calling us to adopt, and if it is Tucker then awesome BUT if it isn't then we know we are still doing Gods will and He has picked out our son already. I called to find out more information about Tucker and found out his paperwork was to be expected at the beginning of the new year. There are two ways files can come in. Option 1 meant we didn't really have a chance because we would have had to start the paper chasing stage before I went to China and Option 2 would be perfect because anyone in the adoption process could be matched with him. Our agency has nothing to do with how files come in, China logs in children as they see their needs.
I have heard some amazing stories of how God has put families together. I mean really people, some stuff that will just blow your mind! And I hold on to each and every one of those stories, not because I hope God can do that for us but because I know God hears his people. He hears our prayers and He wants to give us the desires of our heart.
After talking with our family coordinator at the adoption agency, we decided that we were going to try and complete this process in record time. Because maybe, just maybe we can get it all done in time so that if Tucker came in Option 1 we would be ready. So we worked hard every night for almost a month getting things filled out and completed. But we also had some pretty nice holidays in there and well, I can't always convince everyone else in the world the sense of urgency I have to get my son! Even though I almost shelled out $80 a piece to get new birth certificates and marriage licenses! No worries, my husband talked me off the ledge on that one.....I also tried to convince him to overnight something to South Carolina on a Friday.....I mean people I was on a MISSION!!!
With Holidays and scheduling conflicts, the month of January was quickly approaching and I knew we were nowhere close to being ready for Option 1. So, without driving our family coordinator crazy, I tried to keep tabs on our little Tucker to see if anything new was happening in his case. Side note: He had a surgery around Christmas to repair his cleft lip and everything went well! Once January 1st hit, most people were thinking about New Years Resolution and I felt like I was taking a pregnancy test over and over, waiting with my stomach in knots each day to find out if Tucker was going to be ours or not. In the New Year I also began a bible study that a friend of mine from the mission trip did that focuses on the names of God. It's pretty intense but I love it. This same friend also is my accountability partner in a 30 day, wake up SUPER early, and spend time with God thing we are doing. I know what you are thinking....it doesn't matter when you spend time as long as you spend time....well i'm sorry but not sorry, it is soooo much sweeter when you can do it first thing before you start the day! I was like you, but then when my kids didn't nap, or something didn't go as planned do you know what was the first thing to go....my time spent with Him. The one who made me and knows my beginning and end.
So before I get tooo high on my horse I just want you to know that we are only on day 2! But we are motivated and I know we can do it! This morning I read about God being El Roi, the God who sees! He isn't asleep, or not aware of what you are going through, or your situation. At the end of my time this morning I decided to write a prayer. And for whatever reason I thought, you know I've never really asked God if Tucker was suppose to be ours and maybe I should do that. So I wrote out this prayer...(please excuse the penmanship, it was early in the morning AND I was writing on the side with a giant paper clip underneath!)
This afternoon, I got the email from our family coordinator and it said they received Tuckers file. And just as they expected, it came in Option 1. I was heartbroken. I mean I still had children to take care of but the thought that he wasn't going to be ours just crushed me. Thankfully most of the kids were napping so I could catch my breath. As I was writing this prayer this morning in the back of my mind I thought, how awesome would it be if we got the call today and that Tucker was really ours! And then I could share this prayer to show how awesome God is, but I was also thinking what if it doesn't happen that way. Will I still share this prayer???? As hard as it is to share, I have to. The answer is YES, I have to share it. Because God may not have answered it the way I wanted Him to, but he DID answer. So I will rejoice in that He hears me, my prayers and He knows me and He sees this whole process.
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