El Roi-The God Who Sees

When told of our plans to adopt, I had soooo many people tell me "We can't wait to see how God uses you guys and your story! He is going to do amazing things!"  We kept these comments to ourselves for a while.  There have been road blocks we didn't anticipate with scheduling, family members, timing,....I didn't really know how to process it.  But one thought did always come back and that was, well if He is indeed going to use our story to further His kingdom...people have to know as much of the story as I can tell.  Because you won't know how amazing this has been unless you know where we are right now. So here it goes.....

The first day I walked into that orphanage we were in a baby room.  I sat down on a mat in front of this sweet boy, we will call him Tucker.  I immediately began playing a game with him and his laugh was the sweetest cackle!  It was like a game of peek a boo where the child waits in anticipation for the surprise to happen again and when it does it's like it happened for the first time.  He laughed for probably five minutes while we played this game.  And throughout the week, I was able to see him at least once a day.  We were always in his room but maybe I would see him in the hallway playing bumper walkers with his other friends, or I would sneak a peek at his sweet smile.  I felt God calling me to be a little more open but I wasn't there to completely adopt yet.  How could I be, I had not even talked to Bob yet.  I need him to talk to, he is my best friend in every sense of the word!  

So fast forward to coming home.....when we decided to adopt, my heart was set on this sweet boy. But we really had to think about our motivation.  We couldn't continue this process if our only motivation was to get Tucker.  We needed to be sure that God was calling us to adopt, and if it is Tucker then awesome BUT if it isn't then we know we are still doing Gods will and He has picked out our son already.  I called to find out more information about Tucker and found out his paperwork was to be expected at the beginning of the new year.  There are two ways files can come in.  Option 1 meant we didn't really have a chance because we would have had to start the paper chasing stage before I went to China and Option 2 would be perfect because anyone in the adoption process could be matched with him.  Our agency has nothing to do with how files come in, China logs in children as they see their needs.  

I have heard some amazing stories of how God has put families together. I mean really people, some stuff that will just blow your mind!  And I hold on to each and every one of those stories, not because I hope God can do that for us but because I know God hears his people.  He hears our prayers and He wants to give us the desires of our heart.  

After talking with our family coordinator at the adoption agency, we decided that we were going to try and complete this process in record time.  Because maybe, just maybe we can get it all done in time so that if Tucker came in Option 1 we would be ready.  So we worked hard every night for almost a month getting things filled out and completed.  But we also had some pretty nice holidays in there and well, I can't always convince everyone else in the world the sense of urgency I have to get my son! Even though I almost shelled out $80 a piece to get new birth certificates and marriage licenses!  No worries, my husband talked me off the ledge on that one.....I also tried to convince him to overnight something to South Carolina on a Friday.....I mean people I was on a MISSION!!!  

With Holidays and scheduling conflicts, the month of January was quickly approaching and I knew we were nowhere close to being ready for Option 1.  So, without driving our family coordinator crazy, I tried to keep tabs on our little Tucker to see if anything new was happening in his case.  Side note: He had a surgery around Christmas to repair his cleft lip and everything went well!  Once January 1st hit, most people were thinking about New Years Resolution and I felt like I was taking a pregnancy test over and over, waiting with my stomach in knots each day to find out if Tucker was going to be ours or not.  In the New Year I also began a bible study that a friend of mine from the mission trip did that focuses on the names of God. It's pretty intense but I love it.  This same friend also is my accountability partner in a 30 day, wake up SUPER early, and spend time with God thing we are doing.  I know what you are thinking....it doesn't matter when you spend time as long as you spend time....well i'm sorry but not sorry, it is soooo much sweeter when you can do it first thing before you start the day!  I was like you, but then when my kids didn't nap, or something didn't go as planned do you know what was the first thing to go....my time spent with Him.  The one who made me and knows my beginning and end.  

So before I get tooo high on my horse I just want you to know that we are only on day 2!  But we are motivated and I know we can do it! This morning I read about God being El Roi, the God who sees!  He isn't asleep, or not aware of what you are going through, or your situation.  At the end of my time this morning I decided to write a prayer.  And for whatever reason I thought, you know I've never really asked God if Tucker was suppose to be ours and maybe I should do that.  So I wrote out this prayer...(please excuse the penmanship, it was early in the morning AND I was writing on the side with a giant paper clip underneath!) 

This afternoon, I got the email from our family coordinator and it said they received Tuckers file. And just as they expected, it came in Option 1.  I was heartbroken.  I mean I still had children to take care of but the thought that he wasn't going to be ours just crushed me.  Thankfully most of the kids were napping so I could catch my breath.  As I was writing this prayer this morning in the back of my mind I thought, how awesome would it be if we got the call today and that Tucker was really ours! And then I could share this prayer to show how awesome God is, but I was also thinking what if it doesn't happen that way.  Will I still share this prayer????  As hard as it is to share, I have to.  The answer is YES, I have to share it.  Because God may not have answered it the way I wanted Him to, but he DID answer. So I will rejoice in that He hears me, my prayers and He knows me and He sees this whole process.    

One small step closer!

Have you ever thought about how incredibly hard it is to "take the high road"????  Just for a minute think about a situation in which you were called to be the bigger person, to turn the other cheek.....how did that go for you?  I can remember specific times in college where I should have done this, instead I acted in a way that I knew would get a response out of the other person.  I'm not proud to admit this.....but there was a time, I like to refer to this period in my life at PJ....Pre Jesus, where I actually told someone, I WISH YOU WOULD CRY!...I mean who does that, who tells a person that they wish they would cry, that is CRAZY talk. JUST CRAZY! I am sure no one else  out there has every been so upset that they do and say things that they wish they had not....reacting to someone or a situation that you don't agree with is incredibly easy.  That gut reaction never takes patience, never takes careful thought out words, doesn't take love into account, very rarely takes thinking.....

Taking the high road on the other hand does take all of these things in account.  It's not enough to just turn the other cheek because  Jesus also calls us to love that person, to respect them, to pray that they are blessed beyond measure!  Now that is HARD!  This reaction does not come naturally to most of us, it does require us to sit down and think about our words, to take love in account, and to understand that what is deep down in our heart is what comes out when ugly situations like this arise.  Doing this also does not mean that you are a door mat where you allow someone to verbally attack you because they know you will not react in such a harsh manner back. Speaking the truth out of love goes a long way.  I am reminded of

1Peter 3:8-12

"Now finally, all of you should be like-minded and sympathetic, should love believers, and be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you can inherit a blessing. For the one who wants to love life and to see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit, and he must turn away from evil and do what is good. He must seek peace and pursue it, because the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their request.  But the face of the Lord is against those who do what is evil." 

I struggle with this, but I am praying my way through it.  Bob always tells me, you can't help what other people think or say.  But I can control how I think and say and for right now, that is what I am going to do.  

Home Study! 

We had our first official home study today and I was a total mad woman I tell you!  I was running around here with the most sever case of ADD trying to get things in order and make sure the kids had lunch early so we wouldn't be doing that while she was here.  My awesome husband came home to our social worker already here, while I was trying to feed yogurt to our youngest and me in the middle of telling our social worker how I came to faith all those years ago.  And he just jumped right in with lunch things an helped out! I just love this man....I mean I just LOVE his heart, every day I am amazed by how God put this man in my life!  After the lunch time chaos, we reviewed some more procedures and policies about the adoption and what to kind of expect those days and months after adopting.  I have spoken to a few people about all the things we are doing to get our paper work ready for China and everyone just has a look of amazement. Not amazed that we are doing it, but amazed that there is just SOOO much paperwork to prove you are capable to raise an adoptive child.  

What I find amazing in this whole process is how we could expect anything less???  Yes, these orphans need a home. But more importantly they need a home that is stable.  A home that loves them through their temper tantrums, their attachment issues, when they have nightmares, when they cry for no reason.... Yes there are a lot of hoops to jump through, but they are worth it when you think about the heartbreaking things these children feel because they were abandoned by their birth parents. 

We ended our visit with a tour of the house, which the kids LOVED giving!  Our social worker was so sweet to the kids and listened attentively as they spoke.   All in all, it was a great visit and we are so excited to have her back soon!  We are ready to knock out the next two visits so we can get our paperwork sent off to China!  

And so it begins...

Disclaimer: I first want to say that if you are any type of English language expert and post things about people's grammar and punctuation on social media, you can look at my blog one of two ways:
                   1.) with disdain, because although I was born in America and went to school here, I have not grasped the ins and outs of this language, it's punctuation rules, and how to make certain things plural!!!! I truly believe as a child I had a learning disability that went un-diagnosed and really did not figure out how to "learn" information until I was going through college and learned about different learning styles.
                     2.) with a red pen.....you can use by blog as a cathartic exercise!  Print it out and take a red pen all to it and correct every single thing I have written...just please don't send it to me!

On to the better part of this blog post..... As many of you know I recently went to China on a mission trip.  Our goal was to not only spread God's love but to fully live out what he says in James 1:27

"Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world." 

This, THIS verse is what we did for those orphans in China.  So much preparation went in to going that I never really had time to actually sit and think about what it would be like once we got there.  But I can say that it was more than I could have ever imagined.  I felt the closest to God in that orphanage than I have ever felt in my walk.  We held babies and children, we fed them, played games with them, and just loved them for who they were. When we went back to our hotel rooms we prayed for these children, prayed for one another, and prayed for where we should go from here.  Because you see, an orphan can just be an orphan until.....

              "orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.... see their faces... hold them in your arms.  But once you do, everything changes." 

Radical by David Platt 

  

Once I returned from China, I felt like my work was not done in China.  I felt that God was calling me to do something more.  While in China, I would send Bob pictures of some of the kids and he would send pictures of what our kids were doing.  It was one of those things that I think we both were thinking about the question but we never really talked about it.  On our drive home that night, we had the best time talking for the hour and half it took to get back home. It was truly perfect!  I love talking with my husband and to have an hour and half of just him with no one needing a diaper change, a glass of milk, or a boogie to wipe I was in heaven!!!!  It was midnight when our flight arrived and I felt like it was a day on my honeymoon.  We talked about everything, still kind of dancing around the adoption topic.   For about two weeks after I returned we both began to pray really specifically for God to show us if this is the route He had for us.  And to tell you about the Peace that comes from God would be like me trying to explain String Theory! I just can't, you just have to know it and experience it.  We both just had a peace about adoption. The conversation came easy, the joy was overwhelming! Now I  know that not everyone who has adopted went to an orphanage first  but this is how adoption has been experienced by our family...if that makes sense.    

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo we are adopting from China!  We are in the midst of what is known as the paper chase and are loving every minute of it!  The more we share our news with people, the more we fill out documents, talk with our social worker, the more confirmation we have that this is our next step as a family!